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National League portmanteaux

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The craze that gave us "threepeat," "ginormous" and "Brangelina" started to sneak into baseball last year. Let's invite it inside for a DH-less jam sesh.

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Starling Marte, Andrew McCutchen and Gregory Polanco have been considering a portmanteau of their names.
Starling Marte, Andrew McCutchen and Gregory Polanco have been considering a portmanteau of their names.
Joe Sargent/Getty Images

We may never know for sure who made #Springleton happen, but it caught on a lot better than "fetch" -- it was my favorite thing about the Astros last year, and I'm probably not alone (especially since I probably watched more Astros games than many Astros fans). One such term also ended up catching on for a National League team, even though the two players concerned played just 37 games together. Am I wrong, or should there be more of these not-quite-portmanteaux out there? We may have to squint occasionally, but let's give this a shot.

Arizona Diamondbacks: #Goldrumbo

As far as I know, this is the only NL one that is in use -- and while I recall the D-backs endorsing it early, I have no idea where it came from. Neither does this guy, and if he doesn't, how can we? Sometimes we achieve wordplay crumminess, and sometimes we have such crumminess forced upon us. And what with that mere 37 games of overlap last year, I'm not sure Paul Goldschmidt and Mark Trumbo should be paired anyway; I move that from henceforth, "Goldrumbo" should refer only to wherever it is that MT stores his precious metals.

Atlanta Braves: #Markupton

When the previous Braves regime went on the extension spree that saw the likes of Freddie Freeman, Andrelton Simmons and Julio Teheran get extensions, all were widely respected as good or not-bad spends. Fans in Atlanta may have B.J. Upton to thank for that, if only for the reminder to Frank Wren that any other way to spend money was probably a better way to spend money. If Nick Markakis goes the way of B.J. on his own deal, those same fans might find that together, #Markupton is an even better reminder that at the free agency store, you pay sticker price.

Chicago Cubs: #Bryez

This one probably fits the #Springleton model best, and let's focus on home runs, shall we? This is especially important now that the big power of Kris Bryant and Javier Baez might offer some fans the only way to actually see some baseballs during home games.

Cincinnati Reds: #Cozier

I'm open to suggestions on this one. Seemed like something should have been there with Aroldis Chapman and Rasiel Iglesias, but I'm not seeing it. And I wondered if there might be enough misplays on double play transfers to want to have a Brandon Phillips/Zack Cozart combo in play ("plenty of time there, it was just a brain #Phart"). But let's go with #Cozier. Cozart and Todd Frazier have covered the hole so well that Reds pitchers may want to be able to describe how comfortable they are with ground balls.

Colorado Rockies: #Graytler

Jon Gray Eddie Butler

Los Angeles Dodgers: #Uribier

Nothing really stuck out to me here. If Brandon League is terrible with Kenley Jensen out, and if Jensen isn't doing so hot when he gets back, maybe we'll switch this one to #Kenleague. For now, we can go with what may be pillars of the most expensive bench in the majors in Juan Uribe and Andre Ethier. Or we could throw Alex Guerrero in the mix and try #Uriero, but if you said that one out loud even Miguel Olivo would call you a jerk.

Miami Marlins: #Saltymath

#Yelichiro is pretty good, no question. But with all the lovely catcher framing #gorymath out there, doesn't the Marlins' choice of backstops say more about the team?

Milwaukee Brewers: #Khraun

Thought about #Garhse, but I'm not really an "aw, shucks" kind of guy. Johnny Hellweg seemed promising, but I think we'd have to use #Hellforth as an adverb, and I wouldn't wish #Hellwang on anyone. So let's get back to the #Springleton model, and just use two position players that could make or break the Brewer offense. Plus, this one is fun to yell angrily while shaking a fist.

New York Mets: #SyndeGrom

Only the S and G get capitalized, mmkay?

Philadelphia Phillies: #Brevere

I like this one, in that between the 2014 seasons of Domonic Brown and Ben Revere, we have one guy who disappointed with his home run total and another that surprised, with two. Plus, "brevere" also kind of works as a portmanteau of "brave" and "persevere," which also makes it a good way to describe anyone watching Phillies games this year.

Pittsburgh Pirates: #Polarten

Okay, I'm not trying to blow your mind here, but an outfield of Gregory Polanco, Starling Marte and Andrew McCutchen is kind of a thing. And if we're going to smash three names together, it might as well almost rhyme with turducken. Maybe there's something there about the Pirates going north thanks to these guys? Pretty sure the only pole is the north pole.

San Diego Padres: #Hedgler

There's a gunslinger in San Diego again, and he's traded almost everything that wasn't nailed down. Austin Hedges and Matt Wisler are pretty much all that's left from the Padres prospect stable, and while pushing in all his chips probably makes sense, fans may end up wishing that A.J. Preller had been less of a gambler and more of a... ...I can't do it. I'm sorry.

San Francisco Giants: #Pansey

I mean no disrespect by this one. I like saying #Bumcecum and #Lincecain out loud, but I felt drawn to use Joe Panik, and if we went with #Pance I think it would seem more like we were drawing attention to Hunter Pence's wardrobe choices. Maybe Joe will don the same look next year, and we can revisit that. Otherwise, he and Buster Posey look so similar from some angles that sharing a name seems pretty natural to me.

St. Louis Cardinals: #HeyJay

The man they call J-Hey is in town to patrol right field, and he'll have to get along with a new play partner in Jon Jay. Get used to the idea of people saying a right fielder is helping to make up for a center fielder's defense.

Washington Nationals: #Swerth

With Adam LaRoche gone, the smart money says that Bryce Harper will allow Denard Span to play some center field next to Jayson Werth. #Swerth works best if you voice the "th" sound. At Span's highest speed, I imagine it's pretty dicey to change direction quickly. And according to reports, if Werth tried to turn at his highest speed he'd be pressing his luck.

[Update: the #Springleton mystery isn't a mystery after all.]

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Ryan P. Morrison is a writer and editor at Beyond The Box Score. He writes about the Arizona Diamondbacks at Inside the 'Zona, and talks D-backs and sabermetrics with co-author Jeff Wiser on The Pool Shot. If you managed to read this far down the page, it's probably also safe to follow him on Twitter (@InsidetheZona).