Has Fantasy Baseball Warped Your Sense of Reality?

Jake Roth-US PRESSWIRE - Presswire

Paranoid thoughts about Wins, RBI's, Saves and Rick Astley.

When I was about 17 years old or so, I had a job at the local grocery store as stock boy. On pay days, I'd take my check made of hard-earned, minimum-wage hours over to the bank and cash it at once. I would then promptly walk across the street and spend every last penny on guitar pedals, tuners, new strings, new pick-ups, an amp upgrade, or whatever I could afford that would facilitate the ultimate goal of becoming the next Lou Barlow, Bob Mould, or Ian MacKaye.

But in order to pay for this ticket to rock-and-roll stardom, I needed to log long hours inside a supermarket, where nothing but Billy Ocean, Culture Club, or (good god) Rick Astley looped on the loudspeakers all day long. I was certain that this constant exposure to the absolute worst, watered-down, lifeless, supermarket-friendly soft pop you could imagine was poisoning my frail, vulnerable, and developing creative sensibilities.

My memory of the subsequent events is a bit hazy, I'll admit. But to the best of my recollection, one fateful afternoon I found myself almost unconsciously tapping my foot along to 'Never Gonna Give You Up' and that was immediately the end of my tenure with Omni superstores.

The self-loathing that evening was relentless. Who am I? I wondered. What have I become?

Now, more than a decade or so after that deeply poignant existential crisis, I find myself in an eerily similar predicament. I've noticed a growing paranoia in recent weeks that spending hours upon hours scouring my league's waiver-wire for 'cheap Saves', RBI's and pitchers with favorable run support may be somehow warping my perception of real-life player value. For example, I kept Michael Young in a Dynasty league last year. This year? Jose Valverde.

Think about that. I kept Jose Valverde...

Rick Astley - Never Gonna Give You Up (via RickAstleyVEVO)

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