Blogger Hints 101 - "Ways to Improve Your Mom's Basement"

by Jeff Zimmerman on Jul 15, 2009 5:00 AM EDT

Since all us bloggers live in their mom's basement (at least according to the main stream media), I thought I would come up with a list to help make our basements more livable.

Ways to Improve Your Mom's Basement

The Wally Joyner and Dwight Gooden posters have to go. How about Tim Lincecum or Evan Longoria. Its not like you're 22 anymore.
Add some light by replacing all the burnt out light bulbs. When I mean all, its not like any of them have worked in the last 4 months.
Clean the windows so some light get in, lord know you need it.
Put in a divider so you don't have to see the washer, the drier and the piles of your mom's dirty clothes.
Fix that third step. You don't want to hurt yourself on your daily trip the 7-11 for you 82 oz Super Glup refill.
Fix the squeaky bored in the hallway upstairs. No need for the additional reminder at night that your mom is going back to bed, the gush of water from the toilet flushing should already have woken you up.
Clean the bathroom regularly. There should be nothing colored green, yellow or brown in there.
Paint the spool you are using for a coffee table, maybe in your favorite team colors from The Home Depot .
Get a matching rug for the spool.
Take upstairs the Mountain Dew and Monster cans more than once a month to the recycling bin.

Buy your own microwave, if you are going to eat only Hot Pockets, no need to walk up the stairs to warm them up.

Open the windows every day to help get some fresh air in and the mystery smell out.

Do a thorough cleaning to find out were that mystery smell is coming from.

Shower daily – you might be that mystery smell.

As money and energy saving tool, get a kegerator. You know you are going to drink beer and no need to carry cases down the stairs every other day since only one case will fit in your mini-fridge at a time. You also need to take the cans upstairs after your 15 layer beer-a-mid comes crashing down.

Get a ping pong table. It has many uses, if your mom allows your friend to come over after that 36 hour baseball draft last spring, such as dinning table, beer pong and even plain ping pong.

Find some real book shelves from Craigslist, the boards on cinder blocks are not cutting it

Same goes for the desk on bricks and boards

It's not 1972 any more, ditch the lava lamp.

That also goes for the Xmas tree lights strung around the computer. Out.

All trash, especially from food, needs to be in a container. Remember you just got rid of a mystery smell, no need to create another one.

Put the Action Figures away in a box.. They are dolls and dolls aren't cool. Does Alex Rodriguez play with dolls ... well maybe ... but Mariano Rivera sure doesn't.

Position your computer, TV and bed as far away from your mom's bed on the main floor. You don't want to happen hear she has a boyfriend.

Make sure your computer is not under the bathroom or kitchen. If there is going to be a water leak, it will find a way to your computer. Make the water at least work for it.

Get some new music for the CD changer besides Jock Jams Volumes I toV

Have something besides Major League, Bull Durham, The Program, Any Given Sunday and Slap Shot in the DVD changer. How about replace one movie with Brian's Song or Pride of the Yankees. You don't want to go too over board and put anything non-sports related in it.

Get a Pop-a-Shot. Its going to be a pain to get down the stairs, especially if your mom doesn't help, but your coolness factor will definitely go up. It really can't go much lower.

Lose the Hulk and Captain Morgan cutouts. Remember, your not in college any more, but working at Best Buy now.
This next improvement will cost you a little more and might involve vacating the basement, but it will be worth it. Install a door with direct access to the outside. This will give you the freedom to go as you please without going upstairs and interrupting your mom's sewing circle or bridge game.
Can you play the drums and/or guitar in the corner decent? If not, lose them. Use the money to help buy the kegerator.
Most important of all. Go measure all doors in house and get the largest TV you can get into the basement. There is a 150 inch TV available now, so there is no reason to have that pathetic 60 inch TV. Can you think of any better way to cover up the cement walls? Nope, neither can I.

Well there you have it, a few hints to help you turn your basement into more of a home. Hopefully Sky and RJ don't take this article too personally and allows me continue on help bloggers continue improving the lives of the bloggers everywhere.

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Here’s another one:

- When creating a blog post, put on a pair of pants. Class up your blog.

From Rick Morrissey:

- “[A]ctually [interview] ballplayers and managers”
- “[Pick] up the telephone, [ask] the right questions of the right people, [gather] information and [write] a clear, informative story”
- “Do not thrum [your] fingers on a desk and wait for someone else to do [your] work for [you]”

Crashburn Alley

by Crashburn Alley on Jul 15, 2009 6:29 AM EDT reply actions

I'm definitely reading this post in my underpants.

What?

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http://www.beyondtheboxscore.com
http://www.rightfieldbleachers.com

by Jack Moore on Jul 15, 2009 10:59 AM EDT up reply actions

I find this blogger stereotype to be tremendously insensitive.

My mom doesn’t have a basement.

I never really liked the old tagline.

CougCenter

by Craig Powers on Jul 15, 2009 10:25 AM EDT reply actions

Agreed

Let’s try to be PC here people, some of us live in the attic above the garage.

MLB Notebook / StatSpeak / Baseball Daily Digest / Inside the Majors

by Zach Sanders on Jul 15, 2009 1:24 PM EDT up reply actions

I actually do live in my mother's basement

but thats to be expected. Im still in high school. My room just happens to be in a basement

"Sometimes Joe (morgan) doesn't like facts to get in the way of his opinions."- billy beane
"That was a great pick...if this was 2002" Me, to guy who selected Barry Zito in a fantasy draft
www.27ClubPeak.blogspot.com

by harendaman365 on Jul 15, 2009 10:42 AM EDT reply actions

I keep telling you people...

…I have a mortage. It’s MY basement, dangit!

I has a blog. | Ask a sabermagician!

by cwyers on Jul 15, 2009 11:07 AM EDT reply actions 1 recs

I live in my wife's basement

When she came over from Russia, she asked for us to live in separate parts of the house so that I didn’t cramp her social life.

"It seems like we're not hitting because we're not getting hits." - Dusty being Dusty

by Slyde on Jul 15, 2009 12:20 PM EDT up reply actions 1 recs

When she came over from Russia, she asked for us to live in separate parts of the house so that I didn’t cramp her socialist life.

Fixed your post. Commie.

Crashburn Alley

by Crashburn Alley on Jul 16, 2009 2:12 AM EDT up reply actions

Awesome.

by Sokojoe on Jul 15, 2009 11:35 AM EDT reply actions

Does a walk-out basement count?

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by Sky Kalkman on Jul 15, 2009 12:10 PM EDT reply actions

Uhh, win.

Lose the Hulk and Captain Morgan cutouts. Remember, your not in college any more, but working at Best Buy now.

Wait, that means those of us who are still in school can have the Batman cutouts, right? FTW!

by Blicks on Jul 15, 2009 12:16 PM EDT reply actions

What is this “shower” you speak of?

Well, that's just, like, your opinion, man.

by Jay on Jul 15, 2009 7:08 PM EDT reply actions

Okay, how can I put this...

Okay, imagine if Mountain Dew put out a flavor that was totally clear. And then that was piped directly into your house. Would you stand under a constant stream of that? Of course you would. Well, that’s called a “shower.” Only most people use “water,” which is a non-caffeinated, flavorless, alcohol-free liquid (yeah, I don’t get it either). It’s supposed to help with those mystery smells that your friends claim exist when they visit for Halo 3 Sleepovers, but that you can’t seem to smell at all.

by mojowo11 on Jul 16, 2009 2:31 PM EDT up reply actions 2 recs